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Trauma Queen

by queer father

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1.
easy love 03:58
I bet you fall in easy love too easily and I bet you’ve said this line a hundred times before I bet you have a shag line queued with hundreds and I bet I’m 98, next week it’s 99’s time but I’m getting cold and we’re growing old...er and daddy can’t do anything about it it’s my time now to shine so let me get my heart trampled on tonight I’ll dust it back off tomorrow I bet it burns when you piss on the lawn and I bet you’re gonna spread it like a jam I bet you’re running from a warrant and I bet you’re gonna throw me in somehow but I’m getting cold and we’re growing old...er and daddy can’t do anything about it it’s my time now to shine so let me get my heart trampled on tonight I’ll dust it back off tomorrow I know I’m never gonna be your girl and I’ll end up in the ambulance soon you’re gonna leave a trail on my body but what can I say you’re an ugly hottie but I’m getting cold and we’re growing old...er and daddy can’t do anything about it it’s my time now to shine so let me get my heart trampled on tonight I’ll dust it back off tomorrow
2.
deflecting 04:35
it’s Friday night and everybody’s going the wrong way through the roundabout and Johnny’s gone back to the parts of the state that we forgot about and I’m gonna spend another quiet night at home listening to the sound of my dead phone and I’m gonna spend another year alone it’s your golden years don’t let them rot like your daisy plant but don’t forget to plan till the day before your death and I’m gonna spend 20 years alone forever living in a quiet night at home no one’s outside they’re all living in Dockside Friday till Monday and I’ve built my electric fence to deflect friends I’m gonna spend 70 years alone listening to the sound of my dead phone it’s Tuesday night and everybody’s got their heads around today I thrived until Diamond shined her charcoal heart then everything managed to shred itself apart and I’m gonna spend the rest of the week alone wrapped in blue, swaddled away at home and I’m gonna glue my hands to my phone it’s your golden years don’t let them rot like your daisy plant but don’t forget to plan till the day before your death and I’m gonna spend 20 years alone forever living in a quiet night at home no one’s outside they’re all living independently every single day and I’ve built my electric fence to deflect friends I’m gonna spend 70 years alone listening to the sound of my dead phone and they drift away and they drift away...
3.
lynch 02:57
I want your skin to be atop my skin and feel your arms around me in the autumn night I want to see you when you first wake up all grody and not done up I get lost in your brown eyes when I should be thinking about my next line I want you to love me and then you do but I can’t be the one to help you out of the fire no matter how hard I try they’ll lynch you every time and I don’t know if I can reach you after the final bow and the parties and the inevitable sad waves but I want you so badly it aches me each and every day when I just want you to kiss me and tell me it’s okay but yet again when it’s all true we still can’t because they’ll lynch you every time
4.
walking across the bridge I pulled back my hair and in an instant let it back down and in an instant felt sorry for myself and I shook you out of my lion’s mane into the river and you swam away and you short circuited watching you thrash your arms I felt more confused than ever and you got in formation with the geese as they eloquently sashay out to shore and you crawled up wet for a hug and everything will be alright “I’m always your shining light” but your light is wavering and waning I walk to other beacons but turn back around for I’m always trapping myself on dead ends and Hades flew away and I can’t squeeze in traffic so I clench my jaw and grind my teeth maybe a new lightbulb will fix everything or maybe I’ll get lost in another set of brown eyes
5.
yourself 03:39
you’re the one you’re the one I need don’t you leave just lay back I will brush your hair and lay you down to sleep for however long you need come with me I’ll take you on a ride through the dark parts you hide beneath the floor can’t you see that you’re the one that people applaud and look for on the stage can’t you see that you’re the one that needs to hang on and let your heart beat can’t you see that you’re the one that will make you whole again stick with me and surely the old you will make a triumphant return I know tides are high but just brace through and keep riding someday you won’t be drowning
6.
alone 02:28
I woke up in your arms safely unaware of the trains and the storms running in my head then I opened up my eyes to my surprise there was nothing there just me and my empty bed land for sale for a dollar I begin to wonder why then I look in the mirror all the answers stare at me and everyone lives in the bin the only man to excite me is so far it’s a sin step outside to relieve myself excuse me while I bathe myself in geese shit I’m gonna die alone I’m gonna raise my pigs alone I’m gonna walk the aisle alone Call me The Lone Clown I’m gonna cry alone
7.
kick me 01:34
I ran back from class black and gold on my back to start my show don’t let the FBI know I discovered new positions these men they’d never listen I was just a body on a screen and I thought that was love I thought it was enough I was exotic and maybe 20 they all had something they were missing my brain underwent a tune down all I could think about was downtown Jules got caught at 21 arrested and beaten below the pyramids I don’t know where they go I hope it’s down below
8.
sail back 03:41
I hate you and I always will you treated me like a little kid as if you remember the bombs and the strikes you never really cared for me I cared for you too much scrolling through for hours to find you a therapist ‘cause I thought that was the fix all you needed was to not have me you said “what are you mad for?” and wouldn’t own up to it there’s no way to hide when I’m watching through the window you live in my head I think about the time we danced in my kitchen when you weren’t you I’m so scared that everyone is you I’m just a blip in your shipwreck life you’re never gonna sail back I hope you don’t sail back and you knew everything the monsters did yet you replicate their every move hiding under the guise of a wounded dove while you were out sneaking and ducking looking for more than me I don’t hate him though he did nothing and I gotta support a brother he deserves better than anything you could ever give you live in my head I think about the time we danced in my kitchen when you weren’t you I’m so scared that everyone is you I’m just a blip in your shipwreck life you’re never gonna sail back I hope you don’t sail back I hate you and I always will I rearranged my room for your Dreamcast only to collect dust
9.
blue 03:39
sliding inside you I make my entrance I reside on top and I watch you smile I hear your joy then I look at the clock and I leave you blue I leave you blue He rests in the bathroom scrubbing anxiously hiding the evidence but making sure it’s clean if and when I come back to redo what we began I slide inside and quickly slip out and again I leave him blue why you so down, boy?
10.
pier 01:33
you're supposed to be here yet you're out in orbit the others hold each other on the pier you know I don't agree with their lifestyle ------WHY------
11.
down Lincolnway they see my lights peeking through the buildings shining so bright on a festive night but then they see inside I live an insufferable life of meaninglessness and loneliness and all these “nesses” Christmastime was my time but now I wait for the time when Norco enters me and sweet paralysis begins its reign shut me down and knock me out take me back to my dad if such an afterlife exists lower me down as they deck the halls I never meant a thing at all packing up in storage bins I’ve always loved the process three months in it’s time to go to a world I may never know until I get there Christmastime was my time but now I wait for the time when Norco enters me and sweet paralysis begins its reign shut me down and knock me out take me back to my dad if such an afterlife exists lower me down as they deck the halls I never meant a thing at all
12.
TRAUMA QUEEN 04:23
you hold your pain down under your tongue rancid breath held by your teeth blah blah blah don’t be a trauma queen don’t be a trauma queen don’t let them know the blaze in your head don’t be a trauma queen don’t be a trauma queen they can’t see the nightmares when he runs his paws all over you but no one can see a thing when he’s stalking his prey ready to devour you you just look crazy now blah blah blah healing isn’t linear so I cry as I snap myself yeah it hurts but in the end I just wanna grab my bag blah blah blah don’t be a trauma queen don’t be a trauma queen don’t let them know the blaze in your head don’t be a trauma queen don’t be a trauma queen they can’t see the nightmares Andrew...Andrew...Andrew...Andrew Fifty...Fifty...Fifty...Fifty you’re on something special to me ten kids, ten kids nigger faggot nigger faggot nobody fucking cares now GIMME SOME OF THAT
13.
Cleo 01:35
14.
look at the stars shining so bright now look at your cigarette on the ground I miss everything but we’re on the other side of it now last that I heard the Arizona heat was where you belonged you’re going out with her bangs in kernel panic, whatever it means using me for the void and she’s still haunting you every night with your nightmares of the stairs and your baby’s cries I wish I could console you one last time I wish you could console me one last time but I’m running away now I’m running away now barefoot and tattered and wounded but wounds put themselves back together I’m getting myself back together I don’t really know what I’m doing and I know you don’t know either but when I see your image plastered everywhere in 10 years you’ll see mine looking back at you just don’t show up at the concert hall for my late show and I won’t be at your TED Talks set me free set me free as I get lost in these stars this time without you I can’t compete and I should never compete for when you’re dealing with this if you leave you’re just an idiot

about

First album, welcome to my head. It's the trauma for me :3

credits

released November 20, 2020

Larry Lee aka Queer Father: vocals, writing, instruments, recording, glam, and cover concept
Miss Cleo the Kitty Queen: executive producer
Recorded at Mom's House and in a tiny shoe box sized apartment I'll call My Little Blue World from July 2019 to November 2020

THANK YOU to those who have taught me and continue to teach me on how to better myself as a human and musician, to energy drinks, and to Jordan M. and Rowan.

SPECIAL THANK YOU to Melanie for helping get this project off the ground visually, to Z the Stranger for the virtual parenthood, Mom for the tangible parenthood, Dad for the eternal parenthood. To Lilly, Tino, and all the friends near and far. You all inspire me every day.

VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to the Muses 9, Black Mamba (her machine kills fascists), and Miss Cleo the Kitty Queen.

What's in the Eternal Flame? Men.

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queer father South Bend, Indiana

patron saint of Midwestern gothic tunes and bad decisions since 2019 ✨

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