Get all 7 queer father releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of believe (river version) - single, South Bend - June 23rd, 2022, hope less, believe (single), The Tale of the Convenience Store (single), desert sunlight (single), and Trauma Queen.
1. |
the neighbor
05:50
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I leave my door unlocked
so when you’re done inspecting pipe
you can sneak on up and see your place in reverse
I’m waiting in this broken bed
with my head on the wall I scream
waiting to build a life in the prints
of your bare feet in the grass
aching to wrap your snake around my neck
I hit my head on the Edison bulb
and you gaze right back at me
while it swings to the beat of my pulse
I trip on your camera after drinking you too much
you help me up at the waist
your feet pointing up to my heart
your arms open wide, smile even wider
I want nothing more than for you to open the door
let me give you the ride of your life on the stairs
leave my face wet then you’ll leave a trail up to your room
but I know I could never be your wife
I know you’ll never put those glasses on
but you carry me by the chain in your pocket
dragged along each and every day
a crush to my back and a yank on my leg
with your thinning hair and darkest plumage
and a yin and a yang and a blue and a red and I...
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2. |
water song
03:46
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I sit at the edge of the water
watching the lights as I wait for my love
to come back around from his voyage
the music hypnotizes me
a family of 5 passes me by
the way she looks into his eyes
I could have that right now
if his barge only came this way
I remember how we’d walk the streets at night
swaying like buoys on the lake of my home
now I’m on this ledge as we’re snapped in half
our love is a stack of twigs ready to kindle
the island’s locked away I’ve got nowhere to hide
as these couples pass me on by
the wind whistles a song into my eyes as they water
I sit at the edge ready to swim until I find him
I’ll hope on the fool’s lifeboat gently down the stream
romance is but a dream
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3. |
Little Death
03:00
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it’s such a shame that you’re so good at what you do
Oscar the Grouch with a pouty grin
and a hole in the crotch
a vampire biting my lip drawing blood
giving me rope burn, my lips hurt
you’re gonna be the little death of me
you’re gonna be the little death of me
how will I survive the wait
your venom fills my body as you scream
I was never there, there’s no room for other thoughts
and you’re the only human on earth, don’t we all know
but it’s such a shame that you’re so good at what you do
I walk away with my head bowed
the quicker I make it the less likely I am to say ‘wait’
you’re gonna be the little death of me
you’re gonna be the little death of me
why would I try to hold on and wait
you’re gonna be the little death of me
you’re gonna be the little death of me
I will not try and make you sane
you gave me a hoodie from 1993
it somehow managed to slip out the box
I guess your aliens kicked it out
oops, silly me
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4. |
still alive
04:12
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I am a gate of fire
opening for invasion
I give you every last cell in my being
come on boy give us nothing
I’m your statue, ready to be rained on
then the storm calms
you hug the horse and see god
come back down and buckle up
in the car you go, keys in ignition
reversing out the driveway
while I look out the window
I’m dead but still alive
I’m taking you up the golden staircase
hair tied back for my ease
I’m dangling and dancing
right in front of your face, yet you never try
truthfully if you did it’d be worth nothing, but
it would just be kinda nice instead of every time
when you come back down and buckle up
unwilling to help me go where you’ve gone
in the car you go, keys in ignition
reversing out the driveway
while I look out the window
I’m dead but still alive
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5. |
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I went down to the convenience store at 4am
the African queen was preoccupied
I searched the aisles chasing
that desperately craved crumb
of my favorite snack: serotonin
all I got was a Red Bull instead
all I want is to have another body next to me
please just talk to me
about the weather, I don’t care
I’ve been locked away
since Mr. Ocean Eyes swam to LA
thaw me out, awaken the life I know I have in me
I’m tired of being eggshells
she rang up my drink and asked me how I’m doing
I didn’t answer honestly
but I felt the waves of excitement rush down to my legs
I start to space out and wonder if I should swim to LA
in hopes to get that part of me Mr. Ocean Eyes
pocketed from me and never gave back
all I want is to have life within me again
please just awaken me
stranger could kiss me, I don’t care
I’ve been locked away
since the real me drifted to LA
somehow I’ll thaw me out
I’m tired of being eggshells
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6. |
believe
04:04
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no one’s in the car with me
to go to 7-Eleven at 2am
split my Boston creme pie with
sit on a rooftop and get high with
flying outta here through the sky
instead I drive alone
in my three layers and torn up sweats
dammit I just want to be loved
instead grandfathers ask to play and I run
I want to believe that someday it’ll be true for sure
but that’s hard to do when all that’s thrown my way
are nothing more than future royalties
I just want to be loved goddammit
I run to the door
ready to jump in your arms and run away
but as I’m approaching
the door is barricaded
with a sign taped saying
“come back later...much later”
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7. |
faceless old man
01:09
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when your hand is on my thigh
and inching closer ready to drive
a thought permeates my mind
and I can’t see through your eyes
you become a faceless old man
in your recliner getting off to my youth
I’m not in here – body present, mind gone elsewhere
one day I’ll feel safe
and it’s never you
I can soak my brain in bleach
maybe then the past can burn away
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8. |
desert sunlight
03:12
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I licked your boots hoping you’d notice my strife
sending you flares across the clear midnight sky
instead you hide and say “what about the hoarders?”
I gave you all my body
and then a little extra of that
when I wasn’t even on the clock
you screech that I never did enough
so I’ll keep sending you flares
and you’ll keep pretending I’m not there
until we die in the desert sunlight
I’m at your feet for your every need
pimp me out till I give up
licking your boots until my mouth goes dry
you pay me no mind
so I’ll keep sending you flares
and you’ll keep pretending I’m not there
until we die in the desert sunlight
so I’ll keep sending you flares
and you’ll strangle me in my nightmares
until we die in the desert sunlight
while the aliens fly on by
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9. |
G*shen
08:34
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when you kissed me outside in the cul de sac
I had no signal, was grateful you didn’t kidnap me
I drove home with a smile on my face
then one thing led to another now
I fucking hate this place
but yet and still
though the boxes are sealed off
and the hallways are empty
I see a shadow creeping
along the dirty wall
I drift off to sleep
ready to rest my eyes
but on the screen you’re spamming me
while Joe picks at my insecurities
of all the cities where I could be
this is the least I want to be
I don’t want you breathing around me
I read the morning paper
grateful to see I’m five steps ahead
then I’m back in a house
where we hang in a dingy room
the cat perpetually winks
as if she knows what’s to come
then I’m powdering my nose
before yours dives into my cherry pit
freshening up before I turn you on
man I let you go all sorts of out there
I wonder how far it could’ve gone
I drift off to sleep
ready to rest my eyes
but on screen you’re spamming me
while Joe picks at my insecurities
of all the people to jump in my head
this is the least I want to have
I don’t want you thinking inside me
some days I want you in my arms
some days I want to have your head
I wish I could understand
why you made a home in my mind
I drift off to sleep
ready to rest my eyes
but on screen you’re spamming me
while Joe picks at my insecurities
of all the people I could have ever loved
this is the most baffling of all
I wish I never let you into me
I think I’m over the hill
then I go for a jog
then I start rolling the ball to you
but end up in the refineries to rot
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10. |
going downhill
04:15
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I’m going downhill
racing to beat my record
I’ll shave my head when I hit the finish line
I do it to myself every time
I run into the light, know I’m fine
then when I get on skis
my brain tumbles all the way down
and that’s how we get moments like
that time when I was hostage in the store
blinking my coordinates through a beam to home
I’m going downhill
the snow drifts and blows before my eyes
racing the slope to the finish line
where I’ll do a line with a stranger in the dark
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11. |
I can fly (winter haze)
05:52
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pinned to my bed smelling like Whiting
I lay covering the hole Cleo wants to explore
should probably reach out across this tiny room
call the doctor and say “whoops I fucked up, help”
but I can’t swallow my pride just yet
in practice since September, haven’t made it that far
I dug this hole with my bare hands
dirty and soiled with grime beneath my nails
entertaining a hedgehog through my daze
I blink and the day’s past
black mold in my kitchen as my depression nests itself
I could fly
if I just hopped in the shower again
let the water wake me up out this winter haze
put back on my human face
but I’m just here pinned
not even in the sexy way
I’m sending Morse code through the kitchen window
but the hundred year old tree won’t let it shine
oh god, mom was right
I just wanna fly
I could fly
if someone just pushed me into the shower
shake out this winter haze
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12. |
A.E. (after exile)
03:34
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so you finally got your neck screwed tight enough
that when the world rotates the wrong way
your head won’t fly off
pack your bags and get cat in her carriage
start up the civic and hit the road
then you pass the spot where you pulled over
put your head in your lap and went to the moon
emergency stopping is only 2 hours
if you leave before 9 then you won’t get in trouble
after exile, you’re ready to go home
see more than just chocolate drizzle
see the waves crash in the parking lot
smell the burning hot oil spill
crashing through the Sears Tower
laying in the glass
after exile, after exile
then the deer lay dead
on the side of the road
I poured my sorrow into her wound
and watched it decay away
after exile, you’re ready to go home
see more than just chocolate drizzle
see the waves crash in the parking lot
smell the burning hot oil spill
crashing through the Sears Tower
laying in the glass
after exile, after exile
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13. |
hope less
02:44
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one day I’ll wake up
and stumble to the bathroom
and turn the light on
and be greeted with gray roots
and lines that slowly bursted to the surface
like weeds in the spring
and joy will not have come to this tiny house
in a long, long time
the red alerts pile up on the dining room table
collecting cobwebs as an ominous breeze rolls on by
then I’ll make my empty bed
without a spare warm body
and I wonder: will it always be this way?
slaving away with no release
I could step outside to say hi to the never-ending smog
and take a naked run through the daily acid rain
I can dream for a better world
but I’ve learned to keep my dreams low
for they’ll always spiral to another place
so for now, I’ll just hope less
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queer father South Bend, Indiana
patron saint of Midwestern gothic tunes and bad decisions since 2019 ✨
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