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hope less

by queer father

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of believe (river version) - single, South Bend - June 23rd, 2022, hope less, believe (single), The Tale of the Convenience Store (single), desert sunlight (single), and Trauma Queen. , and , .

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1.
the neighbor 05:50
I leave my door unlocked so when you’re done inspecting pipe you can sneak on up and see your place in reverse I’m waiting in this broken bed with my head on the wall I scream waiting to build a life in the prints of your bare feet in the grass aching to wrap your snake around my neck I hit my head on the Edison bulb and you gaze right back at me while it swings to the beat of my pulse I trip on your camera after drinking you too much you help me up at the waist your feet pointing up to my heart your arms open wide, smile even wider I want nothing more than for you to open the door let me give you the ride of your life on the stairs leave my face wet then you’ll leave a trail up to your room but I know I could never be your wife I know you’ll never put those glasses on but you carry me by the chain in your pocket dragged along each and every day a crush to my back and a yank on my leg with your thinning hair and darkest plumage and a yin and a yang and a blue and a red and I...
2.
water song 03:46
I sit at the edge of the water watching the lights as I wait for my love to come back around from his voyage the music hypnotizes me a family of 5 passes me by the way she looks into his eyes I could have that right now if his barge only came this way I remember how we’d walk the streets at night swaying like buoys on the lake of my home now I’m on this ledge as we’re snapped in half our love is a stack of twigs ready to kindle the island’s locked away I’ve got nowhere to hide as these couples pass me on by the wind whistles a song into my eyes as they water I sit at the edge ready to swim until I find him I’ll hope on the fool’s lifeboat gently down the stream romance is but a dream
3.
Little Death 03:00
it’s such a shame that you’re so good at what you do Oscar the Grouch with a pouty grin and a hole in the crotch a vampire biting my lip drawing blood giving me rope burn, my lips hurt you’re gonna be the little death of me you’re gonna be the little death of me how will I survive the wait your venom fills my body as you scream I was never there, there’s no room for other thoughts and you’re the only human on earth, don’t we all know but it’s such a shame that you’re so good at what you do I walk away with my head bowed the quicker I make it the less likely I am to say ‘wait’ you’re gonna be the little death of me you’re gonna be the little death of me why would I try to hold on and wait you’re gonna be the little death of me you’re gonna be the little death of me I will not try and make you sane you gave me a hoodie from 1993 it somehow managed to slip out the box I guess your aliens kicked it out oops, silly me
4.
still alive 04:12
I am a gate of fire opening for invasion I give you every last cell in my being come on boy give us nothing I’m your statue, ready to be rained on then the storm calms you hug the horse and see god come back down and buckle up in the car you go, keys in ignition reversing out the driveway while I look out the window I’m dead but still alive I’m taking you up the golden staircase hair tied back for my ease I’m dangling and dancing right in front of your face, yet you never try truthfully if you did it’d be worth nothing, but it would just be kinda nice instead of every time when you come back down and buckle up unwilling to help me go where you’ve gone in the car you go, keys in ignition reversing out the driveway while I look out the window I’m dead but still alive
5.
I went down to the convenience store at 4am the African queen was preoccupied I searched the aisles chasing that desperately craved crumb of my favorite snack: serotonin all I got was a Red Bull instead all I want is to have another body next to me please just talk to me about the weather, I don’t care I’ve been locked away since Mr. Ocean Eyes swam to LA thaw me out, awaken the life I know I have in me I’m tired of being eggshells she rang up my drink and asked me how I’m doing I didn’t answer honestly but I felt the waves of excitement rush down to my legs I start to space out and wonder if I should swim to LA in hopes to get that part of me Mr. Ocean Eyes pocketed from me and never gave back all I want is to have life within me again please just awaken me stranger could kiss me, I don’t care I’ve been locked away since the real me drifted to LA somehow I’ll thaw me out I’m tired of being eggshells
6.
believe 04:04
no one’s in the car with me to go to 7-Eleven at 2am split my Boston creme pie with sit on a rooftop and get high with flying outta here through the sky instead I drive alone in my three layers and torn up sweats dammit I just want to be loved instead grandfathers ask to play and I run I want to believe that someday it’ll be true for sure but that’s hard to do when all that’s thrown my way are nothing more than future royalties I just want to be loved goddammit I run to the door ready to jump in your arms and run away but as I’m approaching the door is barricaded with a sign taped saying “come back later...much later”
7.
when your hand is on my thigh and inching closer ready to drive a thought permeates my mind and I can’t see through your eyes you become a faceless old man in your recliner getting off to my youth I’m not in here – body present, mind gone elsewhere one day I’ll feel safe and it’s never you I can soak my brain in bleach maybe then the past can burn away
8.
I licked your boots hoping you’d notice my strife sending you flares across the clear midnight sky instead you hide and say “what about the hoarders?” I gave you all my body and then a little extra of that when I wasn’t even on the clock you screech that I never did enough so I’ll keep sending you flares and you’ll keep pretending I’m not there until we die in the desert sunlight I’m at your feet for your every need pimp me out till I give up licking your boots until my mouth goes dry you pay me no mind so I’ll keep sending you flares and you’ll keep pretending I’m not there until we die in the desert sunlight so I’ll keep sending you flares and you’ll strangle me in my nightmares until we die in the desert sunlight while the aliens fly on by
9.
G*shen 08:34
when you kissed me outside in the cul de sac I had no signal, was grateful you didn’t kidnap me I drove home with a smile on my face then one thing led to another now I fucking hate this place but yet and still though the boxes are sealed off and the hallways are empty I see a shadow creeping along the dirty wall I drift off to sleep ready to rest my eyes but on the screen you’re spamming me while Joe picks at my insecurities of all the cities where I could be this is the least I want to be I don’t want you breathing around me I read the morning paper grateful to see I’m five steps ahead then I’m back in a house where we hang in a dingy room the cat perpetually winks as if she knows what’s to come then I’m powdering my nose before yours dives into my cherry pit freshening up before I turn you on man I let you go all sorts of out there I wonder how far it could’ve gone I drift off to sleep ready to rest my eyes but on screen you’re spamming me while Joe picks at my insecurities of all the people to jump in my head this is the least I want to have I don’t want you thinking inside me some days I want you in my arms some days I want to have your head I wish I could understand why you made a home in my mind I drift off to sleep ready to rest my eyes but on screen you’re spamming me while Joe picks at my insecurities of all the people I could have ever loved this is the most baffling of all I wish I never let you into me I think I’m over the hill then I go for a jog then I start rolling the ball to you but end up in the refineries to rot
10.
I’m going downhill racing to beat my record I’ll shave my head when I hit the finish line I do it to myself every time I run into the light, know I’m fine then when I get on skis my brain tumbles all the way down and that’s how we get moments like that time when I was hostage in the store blinking my coordinates through a beam to home I’m going downhill the snow drifts and blows before my eyes racing the slope to the finish line where I’ll do a line with a stranger in the dark
11.
pinned to my bed smelling like Whiting I lay covering the hole Cleo wants to explore should probably reach out across this tiny room call the doctor and say “whoops I fucked up, help” but I can’t swallow my pride just yet in practice since September, haven’t made it that far I dug this hole with my bare hands dirty and soiled with grime beneath my nails entertaining a hedgehog through my daze I blink and the day’s past black mold in my kitchen as my depression nests itself I could fly if I just hopped in the shower again let the water wake me up out this winter haze put back on my human face but I’m just here pinned not even in the sexy way I’m sending Morse code through the kitchen window but the hundred year old tree won’t let it shine oh god, mom was right I just wanna fly I could fly if someone just pushed me into the shower shake out this winter haze
12.
so you finally got your neck screwed tight enough that when the world rotates the wrong way your head won’t fly off pack your bags and get cat in her carriage start up the civic and hit the road then you pass the spot where you pulled over put your head in your lap and went to the moon emergency stopping is only 2 hours if you leave before 9 then you won’t get in trouble after exile, you’re ready to go home see more than just chocolate drizzle see the waves crash in the parking lot smell the burning hot oil spill crashing through the Sears Tower laying in the glass after exile, after exile then the deer lay dead on the side of the road I poured my sorrow into her wound and watched it decay away after exile, you’re ready to go home see more than just chocolate drizzle see the waves crash in the parking lot smell the burning hot oil spill crashing through the Sears Tower laying in the glass after exile, after exile
13.
hope less 02:44
one day I’ll wake up and stumble to the bathroom and turn the light on and be greeted with gray roots and lines that slowly bursted to the surface like weeds in the spring and joy will not have come to this tiny house in a long, long time the red alerts pile up on the dining room table collecting cobwebs as an ominous breeze rolls on by then I’ll make my empty bed without a spare warm body and I wonder: will it always be this way? slaving away with no release I could step outside to say hi to the never-ending smog and take a naked run through the daily acid rain I can dream for a better world but I’ve learned to keep my dreams low for they’ll always spiral to another place so for now, I’ll just hope less

about

album no. 2! The first three months of 2021 were hell for me, hit play and find out :3

credits

released June 24, 2022

Everything played by Larry Lee aka queer father
--- vocals, bass, keyboards, analog synthesizers, weird noises, etc---

Recorded from March 2021-April 2022 in my tiny apartment

Album cover shot by Mel
with a bitchin hand model sourced from the finest pits of the earth

THANK YOU to Jordan M. and Rowan, Dr. Olivier, Jeshua and Deborah (the things muscles can do), the asthmatic 9 year old MacBook Air this album was made on, and my French Press for always being there in my times of need

SPECIAL THANK YOU to Melanie (my eternal soul sister), Lilly, Jordan (gaslighting me every day), Tino (marry me or I will die), and all of my other dear friends, Mom and Dad, and all you folks who listen to the shit I put out in the world

VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU to Miss Cleo, Black Mamba, and Euterpe

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queer father South Bend, Indiana

patron saint of Midwestern gothic tunes and bad decisions since 2019 ✨

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